How Do I Tell My Child Their Diagnoses?

Parents often express anxiety over: if, when and how to tell their child that they are neurodivergent (Autism, ADHD, etc)

Focus on validation first. Most kids already know they process things differently than their peers. Giving them the word "Autism" or “ADHD” doesn't label them negatively—it gives them an answer, a sense of belonging, and a community.

Obtaining a diagnosis or a “word” for what your child is experiencing, provides them and loved ones a roadmap on navigating the world in a way that works for the neurodivergent person.

Below are resources to assist you in navigating this amazing opportunity between you and your child.

Web Guides & Interactive Toolkits

  • Explaining Brains: Explaining Autism to Kids

    Created by a neurodivergent practitioner and parent, this resource breaks down how to explain autism using a 5-part framework: Identifying Strengths, Naming Challenges, Defining the Diagnosis, Normalizing ("You're Not Alone"), and Making a Support Plan. It includes printable fill-in-the-blank scripts and neurodiversity-affirming assessment summaries.

  • Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) - "Start Here"

    ASAN’s free parent guidebook emphasizes that telling your child about their diagnosis helps them build self-esteem and self-advocacy early. Their plain-language About Autism page is also an excellent tool to read through with an older child or pre-teen.

  • Child Mind Institute: How to Tell Your Child About Their Autism Diagnosis

    A practical guide covering the timing, age-appropriate language, and framing strategies. It emphasizes why waiting too long can lead kids to worry that "something is wrong with them" without understanding why they feel different.

  • National Autistic Society: Talking About Diagnosis

    Provides step-by-step guidance for initiating the conversation gently, handling follow-up questions, and respecting your child’s privacy and autonomy regarding who else they choose to tell.

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Books For Young Children (Age 3-8)

Reading picture books together can be a gentle, low-pressure way to open a dialogue about different processing styles:

  • The Brain Forest by Dimity Peter & Ellie Sands

    A beautifully illustrated book introducing the concept of neurodiversity—showing that all human brains are wired differently, like different types of trees in a forest.

  • The Girl Who Thought in Pictures: The Story of Dr. Temple Grandin by Julia Finley Mosca

    A true story highlighting how an autistic brain processes the world in visual ways and how that unique trait led to pioneering science.

  • Uniquely Wired: A Story About Autism and Its Gifts by Julia Cook

    Told from the perspective of an autistic boy named Zak, focusing on hyperfixations, sensory differences, and appreciating how his brain functions.

    Books for Older Kids & PreTeens (Ages 9-14+)

    For older children, resources written by autistic adults provide peer validation:

    Key Rule of Thumb: Focus on validation first. Most kids already know they process things differently than their peers. Giving them the word "Autism" doesn't label them negatively—it gives them an answer, a sense of belonging, and a community.

    • Welcome to the Autistic Community! by the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)

      Written specifically for autistic kids and teens. It introduces the concept of the autistic community, self-advocacy, sensory regulation, and pride in one’s identity.

    • Can You See Me? by Libby Scott & Rebecca Westcott

      A relatable chapter book co-written by an 11-year-old autistic girl. It explores the middle-school experience, masking, and learning to accept yourself.

    • Different Like Me: My Book of Autism Heroes by Jennifer Elder

      Introduces famous historical figures (like Albert Einstein, Julia Bowman Rush, and Lewis Carroll) who had autistic traits, helping children see their diagnosis as part of a long lineage of brilliant minds.